The APA recently released this news story that essentially seems to run counter to what everyone might expect regarding teenagers and their friends. Essentially what the study found is that teenage girls, especially, who spend time complaining about social and emotional issues with their friends have a higher tendency towards anxiety and depression. If this research holds to be true, it will definitely affect the way that I counsel the students who come into my office (as well as my own daughter!). As Christians, God intends for us to use our words for encouragement and truth-speaking, not complaining. I like it when studies like this back up what He tells us.
Social Issues
Teen Texting: The Ruin of Romance | Katie D. Anderson
In case you were just worried about the effect that texting might have on your teen’s driving, read on:
The Tyranny of Worrying about Children
Pastor, blogger, and author Kevin DeYoung just released a new book called Crazy Busy. In chapter six, he discusses the tyranny of business that our current cultural attitudes toward parenting produce. Here is an excerpt:
“As nanny parents living in a nanny state, we think of our children as amazingly fragile and entirely moldable. Both assumptions are mistaken. It’s harder to ruin our kids than we think and harder to stamp them for success than we’d like. Christian parents in particular often operate with an implicit determinism. We fear that a few wrong moves will ruin our children forever, and at the same time assume that the right combination of protection and instruction will invariably produce godly children. Leslie Leyland Fields is right: “One of the most resilient and cherished myths of parenting is that parenting creates the child(68).”
I know that in my own parenting I often feel guilty that I’m not doing enough of “this” or doing too much of “that,” but the reality is that what I am really doing is trying to play God with my child. What I really need is to trust that God is sovereign and that he is using my brokenness to produce the person that he would have my daughter be. I don’t need better parenting skills, I need to rest in God’s sovereign!
You can pick up a copy of DeYoung’s book on sale here: Crazy Busy: A (Mercifully) Short Book about a (Really) Big Problem
Friendship: It’s Depth, not Breadth that Counts
There is a great video at Vimeo.com called “The Innovation of Loneliness.” The video does a great job of explaining how (in keeping with recent studies about social media) the more we connect the more lonely we feel. What matters most in our friendships is not how many we have, but how deep the friendships go. Deep connections take time, effort and vulnerability, all things that we are unwilling to give in our fast-paced, consumer driven culture. It’s much easier to control what other’s see and have the illusion of friendship, connecting with acquaintances quickly and lightly through a shared picture or comment, than having a deep conversation that helps us to truly know them. How are you using social media to insulate yourself from people?
Modesty from a Dad’s Perspective: From the CT Website
There is a great article at the Christianity Today website about girls and modesty. This topic tends to get people quickly divided into camps (“It’s all about the clothing” vs. “It’s all about the sinful hearts”), but this article does a good job of looking at the topic from a biblical perspective, something that happens far too rarely in these discussions. Take a look and let me know what you think: A Dads Perspective: Why I Tell My Daughters to Dress Modestly | Her.meneutics | Christianitytoday.com.
Resources on Cutting
Here are a couple of blog posts from the Biblical Counseling Coalition website that have some helpful thoughts on cutting:
Cutting: Bleeding the Pain Away
2 Lies That Must Be Defeated to Overcome Cutting
This second post is the first part in a multi-part series that doesn’t seem to be up yet. Both articles do a great job of pointing towards Christ as the only true remedy:
“The alienation you’ve felt from your parents, your peers, your teachers, your bosses, and God has a remedy. The blood of Jesus purifies us and opens the door for good relationships with one another. So trust in the blood of Christ, not your own blood. Blood is very powerful—when it’s Christ’s blood!”
Life as of Late: Parents: A Word about Instagram
I found this blog post the other day that is a helpful commentary on why something innocuous like Instagram needs to have instruction from parents too. One of my favorite quotes: “It’s not just about assumed popularity anymore. It’s explicit. It’s quantifiable.” Do your kids use Instagram? Do you know how they use it?
Sorority Syndrome: Girls Gone Mean | Her.meneutics | Christianitytoday.com
As part of my job I spend a lot of time talking with junior high girls about “Mean Girls” behavior. There is an article over at the Christianity Today women’s blog that has some great insight into the causes of this behavior. One of my favorite quotes: “Sure, we can point to bullying, aggression, and power trips as reasons that grown women turn into mean girls, but ultimately, I think our shallow relationships are to blame.”
Sorority Syndrome: Girls Gone Mean | Her.meneutics | Christianitytoday.com.
Helping our Kids Navigate Grief in a Digital World
There is a new blog post over at Christianity Today’s website that has some helpful thoughts for parents who are looking to help their kids navigate the increasing public world that social media imposes on us, especially as it relates to expressing and understanding grief.
Stop Instagramming Your Perfect Life | RELEVANT Magazine
Here is a great article about the illusion that social media create and the need for Christians to be intentional about creating community rather than facades that make our lives look perfect. As we are teaching our children how to use the internet wisely we should remind them that the picture they see when they look at other’s lives on the internet is an impartial representation that shows only the things the other person wants us to see. Real relationships involve the messy stuff as well as the beautiful!
Irrigating Deserts 